on the upbringing of children
A revolving conversation in our household is how we want to raise our children. One of the topics frequently discussed is schooling. While Ben and I both had positive public school experiences, after teaching in the same system of which we are products, we began to have parental doubts (I’ll save the “why’s” for another day). A few years ago, we stumbled upon a classical Christian school through a family acquaintance. We began reading up on classical Christian education, and then we attended the open house. (yes, our son is only 3, but if the next two years fly by as fast as the first three did, we thought we better get a move on in figuring out his academic future!)
At the open house we expected to be informed; instead, we were moved to tears. This came as a surprise to both of us, since neither of us (according to Myers-Briggs) make decisions based upon emotions. Ben scribbled on the information package, “I want this (underline underline underline) for our children.” “Me too!” I tearfully mouthed back, as the 3rd grade choir sang the hymn “This is my Father’s World” from memory (all five verses, no less), and I could picture my own dad sitting proudly in the audience on grandparent’s day watching Emmanuel singing about the beauty of God’s creation. And that’s just it. That God is the author of life should be the beginning point for all learning. This is a key missing ingredient in public school.
Another option we considered is Home Schooling. Many mothers at my church do it, and I hold them in high esteem, but to be honest, I don’t think I have it in me. Most of them look frazzled, worn out, exhausted, beaten down. No doubt, it is the most demanding job in the world. But I don’t think I’m homeschooling mom potential. My sister points out that, with our teaching background and “skill set”, we’d have “an excellent home school.” I’m just not totally convinced. I already feel frazzled & worn out, and all I have to do is be here. Perhaps, I just don’t have the desire. Or perhaps it is that Ben and I have already made our decision to invest in a classical Christian education for our children.
We hung out with our neighbors tonight. One of them was showing off his new tatoo written in large bold print,”Fuck all ya’ll.” With the smell of cigarette smoke and beer in the air, heavy metal music played loudly from the improv garage band. I couldn’t help feeling somewhat “otherworldly.” A sense that I don’t belong here with all this tension and hatred. Meanwhile, as the lyrics to the songs raged, our son scooted playfully down the sidewalk on his tricycle, and our daughter innocently danced to the music. I felt sad about our meager attempts to be good neighbors and good parents, and frustrated that the two goals seemed to be clashing unexpectedly. To keep my children pure, to keep their eyes and ears from the evil in this world is more difficult than I originally thought.
I crossed the street, and put Eden to bed, comforted this night to pray, knowing that this is the ‘one thing needed’ of parenthood. The only parenting strategy that actually might “work.”
And so I pray:
Raise my children to be pure in heart, that they may see God.
Raise my children to stand firmly against God-hating teaching.
Raise my children to run from the world and the delusion of the world.
Raise my children to turn away from evil and do good.
Public school cannot teach my children to be pure, or to be good. And on my own strength, neither can I. Still, more than anything, this is my desire for them. Purity and Goodness. Grant this, O Lord.
